Since I am employed at an institution of higher learning, I am able to take classes at said institution for only the cost of the fees. When I saw "Weight Loss Through Hypnosis" in the brochure for Continuing Education, I thought to myself, why not? I'm curious about hypnosis, and if there is anything to make weight loss reduction easier, I'm for trying it. Lord knows it's my head that gets in my way most of the time.
So, class time came last night. I wasn't nervous, just interested (and a little foggy from the muscle relaxers I took). She began speaking to us, her voice low and calm, soft music lulling in the background, near darkness cradling us as if in the womb. I felt very relaxed, but lots of thoughts kept going through my head. I think my mind has a lot of white noise.
I remember everything that she said, as much as you do when someone talks to you normally, and never felt like I had lost control. I felt as though I could snap out of it any time I wanted to. She went through a whole monologue about forming healthy habits, leaving those unhealthy ones locked up in a room out of sight, and about how good those nutritious foods are. She also called it weight reduction instead of weight loss, because our minds, she informed us, are programmed to find that which is lost and we don't want to find the weight again once we've lost it.
I don't know if I was hypnotized or how far under I was and I don't know if it changed anything, but it was a unique experience, and I was definitely relaxed. There is another class next week that is for stress relief . . . I'm thinking of going; this may finally be the way that I can channel my stress and get it out so that my shoulders are not always knotted.
Feel you're body relaxing, feel your eyes grow heavy. I will count to 20 and you will be completely relaxed . . .
At work I try to do a theme day once a month to loosen things up and just have fun! This past Wednesday was Puttin' on the Glitz. Being so close to all the awards shows, I thought it would be fun to have a red carpet type shindig. Well, we had one person dress up a little and come in, but I heard poeple talking about, so in my book it was a success. Besides, who doesn't like to dress out of the ordinary at work sometimes?
Paparazzi, complete with flashing flashes!
Dahling!
Mom and I even gave Michael Emerson his own star on our wall of fame!
It's that time again . . . that awful, dreaded, depressing day when everyone else is all cutesy and smoochy and lovey. It's Valentines Day.
BLECH!
Now, I only say blech because I am not, nor have I ever been one of the people fortunate enough to have a valentine. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for all you people who have someone to suck face with and give ridiculously expensive gifts to, it just REALLY sucks having to watch something in which you cannot partake. I am probably the most hopelessly romantic person in the world, and I would be doing the very same things of which I am being critical right now, given the opportunity, but as I already stated, being left out sucks!
Unfortunately, I cannot put all the blame for being left out on the opposite sex, as much as I would like to. I could sit around and say guys are stupid, and things much worse than that, but a huge part of the problem is me. I have always viewed myself as a kind of abnormality. I've defined myself by the meanness others have shown me, completely discounted myself and the numerous excellent qualities which I do possess, and heaped loads of discouragement onto myself. I guess you could say that I have always judged my own book by its cover, which I saw as undesirable and ugly (can you tell I work in a library?). I've always thought "surely there is someone out there who can love me for who I am and then everything will be right with the world", but who am I kidding? How can I expect other people to like me if I don't like me or find any value in myself.
Recently, I got a drunken pep talk from a very good friend. I'm not sure if she remembers what she said, or truly meant it, but I am going to chose to think that she did mean it. She said to me that I don't give myself enough credit (true, I don't give myself much, if any), that I'm beautiful (ok, I'm trying to believe that, but it's 180 degrees from what I've been telling myself), and that I'm really intelligent. She looked at me and told me that if I could just believe in myself, and continue in my path to bettering myself I could be unstoppable. Ok, I think that may have been the wine talking, nevertheless, it was something to see this woman who I adore and respect, tearfully long for me to give myself a chance.
There is a Ray Stevens song, recorded by Chet Atkins which I love. I tend to identify with this song and long for all the other frogs of the world to get their chance.
Frog Kissing
Do you remember in the fairy tale
How the wicked witches spell changed the handsome prince to a toad?
Thru the power of her potion she handed him the notion
That he was lower than the dirt in the road.
And, thou she left him green and warted, her evil plan was thwarted
When there chanced to happen by a young miss,
Who in spite of his complexion offered her affection
And broke the wicked curse with her kiss.
Chorus:
Well if you've never been a frog kissin'
Then you don't know what you've been missing.
There's a world of opportunity under each and every log.
If you've never been a charm breaker
And if you've never been a handsome prince maker
Just a slow down, turn around, bend down
And kiss you a frog.
Once upon a time ago
I was down and feelin low
Like a lonely frog in a pond.
Life was just a joke
And I was very near a crokin'
I was zapped by life's wicked wand.
Then in the depths of my depression
There came a true expression
From a love from a lady so sweet.
She gave warm fuzzy feelings,
Feelings that were healing
And knocked me of my little web feet.
Chorus:
There's a happy ever after land
Deep in the heart of man
Where a prince or princess abide.
But, all we get are glimpses
Of the handsome prince or princess
Cause there covered by a green warty hide.
And, though they're full of life's potential
There lackin one essential
To enable them to shine like a star.
And that's to have some guy or misses
Smother them with kisses
And love them while there just like they are.
And that's the secret of frog kissin'
And you can do it to
If you just listen.
Just slow down turn around bend down
And kiss you a frog
Ribbit ribbit
The point of the song is that there are lots of great people in the world who get overlooked because of their "warts". Life's circumstances, and people's words/actions, act as the witch's potion, giving us "frogs" the notion that we're lower than the dirt in the road. Now, while I definitely agree that everyone needs someone to love them as they are, we also need to do our best to be in a condition that is favorable for the affections of our prince or princess.
My next task is to look to one of my mentors, a "caring nurturer, a member of several 12-step programs, but not a licensed therapist", Stuart Smalley.
I need to remember Stuart's mantra, I AM good enough, I AM smart enough, and people DO like me! Any beating myself up is just "stinking thinking."
Ok, Valentine's Day, your still a lonely, slightly sad day for me, but I won't completely hate you. Love starts with me, so Happy Valentine's self! You deserve a great day, but even more you deserve self-respect and goodwill. You may not get a dozen roses, or a card, or anything at all, but that does not reflect on your value as a human being. Someday it will be your turn!
So, Happy Valetine's Day to all you lovebirds out there. Enjoy it, and remember how lucky you are. (And try to be understanding and considerate of your single friends!)
Had a little R&R with two awesome women! It was some much needed rejuvenation! Leaving home and heading out on the road is always so easy, but come Sunday when you have to come back home, it's not so fun.
Thanks L for being such a good hostess! Hope to see you again soon!
There was supposed to be bad weather moving in last night and throughout today, but mom and I decided to chance it and go to Ames anyway. It's only a thirty minute drive and it would be easy enough to turn around if needed. We needed to get some fabric for a couple projects and since mom works everyday this weekend, this was kind of our one shot.
The roads looked like they could freeze at anytime if the temperature took a fall, but they were ok, a little wet, not really slick. We hadn't made it halfway yet when on the other side we saw a big ol' pick 'em up truck slow down and drive around something. We looked and realized that a dog was laying in the road. We watched a little and he wasn't getting up. Our hearts sank . . . we knew he must have been hit. We had to go a little ways before we could turn around, but we knew we had to. By the time we got turned around and got back to where the dog was, we saw another car pulled over. Three guys, about my age, had puled over, and just as we got there, one tried to grab the dog to pull it out of the road, but it bit him. You can't blame the dog, he was hurt and scared!
We soon discovered another car had pulled in the driveway of the house and they, as we found out, had been afraid to get out because of the other dog, who was obviously a little excited about the goings on. They had honked their horn, but to no avail . . . no one was home. Mom went to the door, the other dog was noisy, but he wasn't going to attack. No answer.
Meanwhile the young men had called the authorities. Numerous people drove by, most slowed down, but some didn't, even though there were two cars pulled over and five people waving at them.
JERKS!
Watching that poor dog struggle, listening to it cry . . . it was awful. If I'd have eaten soon before, it wouldn't have stayed in my stomach. He had one leg that seemed ok, and he kept trying to get up, to scootch out of the way, he just couldn't. His front right leg just kind of flopped. The look in his eyes . . .
Two guys came running over from the field across the highway and the one guy was going to try to approach the dog, but the other guys warned him that he might get bitten. I don't know if the dog recognized him, or what, but you should have heard it howl as he drew nearer. At this point I see some foam around it's mouth . . . it was getting so worked up, and I'm sure exhausted.
I had seen that the guys in the black car had a blanket, and I said to mom that maybe if we could put something over it's head we could pull it out of the road. The man from the field had the same idea and came running back with his coat. He put it over the dog and dragged it to the shoulder. The three guys got the blanket out of their trunk and they put the dog on the blanket. They man from the field turned out to be a neighbor and he said he'd called the owner. They carried the dog in the blanket over to a workshop type of building. There was nothing more that we could do, so we got in our car and headed to Ames.
I.felt.sick!
WHO could hit an animal, or anything, and leave there to die? What kind of sick people are there out driving about? And what kind of people would just drive by and not even call the authorities, at least??? It is these kinds of things that cause me to despair. Whoever the miserable, low-life, sad excuse for a person is who hit this poor, defenseless animal and just left it, YOU DISGUST ME!
Thank God that seven, seven people, out of how many that drove by, stopped to render assistance to a poor, hurt, scared to death, helpless animal . . . someone's best friend. Seven people. God bless you, whoever the other five people were. Your efforts are proof of your character and your decency as human beings! To the people who owned the dog, my heart and deepest sympathy go out to you! I'm greatly sorry for what has happened to your friend and companion. May he rest in peace and suffer no longer.
