Tuesday, May 24, 2016

My Brain Doesn't Know What To Do

Whoa.

Well, after the whirlwind of the last four years and all the chaos at work, with grad school, and now being laid off, my poor brain just doesn't know what to do.

Sunday was graduation (woohoo!!!) although I still have a few things to turn in to be done done. So I'm like yay I'm done, but I'm not quite really done. So there is some let down from graduation, and things are going pretty well with my new boss.

Until today.

No, no, don't misunderstand. My boss is great and I really like her. But she is coming in and cleaning house and I'm feeling sad because I have worked so hard to get the library to where it is, and that is all trash now. I understand, she wants to make a fresh start and have things her way. It's just that it again makes me feel like nothing I do matters or is important.

In my already vulnerable state I feel invisible again. I know people like me and appreciate me, but I see how other's have someone who notices things about their lives and will celebrate them, but I've not had that for a really long time.

No one notices my birthday, no one knows when something big happens in my life, I don't get cards, etc.

I guess it all comes back to the fact that I feel like I don't matter here. Maybe as she is throwing things out I am upset because I feel like it symbolizes me being thrown out.

But when it comes right down to it, no, I will never have the gratification  of hearing "I'm sorry we treated you like crap" and I will go on with my life. I will move on to greener pastures and everything will be OK.

It's alright to be sad.

But it's time to move on.

That's scary.


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