Saturday, December 26, 2015

Bump In The Road

Well, we started out really well...

Because of last time, I had this nagging fear that he would be drunk at the airport again, but he wasn't! We had a nice dinner with his mom (though I was a little disheartened when she brought a bottle of vodka) and then talked for a bit before I went off to sleep.

This is where things went south.

He had done really well not drinking for a couple months, and then when I finally got here and we had vodka at dinner, I think he couldn't hold out anymore. Isn't it ironic, that doesn't drink until I get here. Ha!

Needless to say, I've been quite disappointed. But I also know he's been really trying and alcoholism is a dirty bitch!

I've been struggling with what to do. Obviously, there will not be a wedding on this trip, and my first thought was to leave early even though it would cost a fair amount of money, but here's the thing: how can I leave someone I love in the time they need me the most? I mean, if it was cancer and I got tired of holding back his hair while he vomited would I just up and walk out? You may say those are two different things, but alcoholism is just as much a disease as is cancer.

You may think I'm stupid, and I'm not totally convinced I'm not, but I don't think I can just toss someone aside when they are at their lowest. All the pain I see in his eyes, begging for help...I can't walk away from that as long as he really does want help.

I'm still not sure of anything right now, but this is what I'm going with at the moment.

Stay tuned...

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