Saturday, December 31, 2016

Goodbye Twenty Shit-steen

Yeah, there are a lot of negative 2016 posts going around right now, but honestly, for some of us 2016 was pretty shitastic. I, for one, am entirely ready to wish a (not so) fond farewell to 2016.

This year was a roller coaster for sure! I started out the year overseas, thinking I was going to get married, but instead I found myself once more with a totally drunk person. To be fair, he did get himself undrunk and we have a fantastic last 5 days together. When I came back, I had no boss for the third time in 4 years, then my co-worker and bff found another job. In the spring I was just about done with school, and finally had paperwork to start Alex's visa process, and that's when I was told my job was being eliminated. Graduated in May--well I walked at commencement--but because of a few snafus, I didn't technically graduate until August. Thought I had a job nailed down only to wait a month to find out they chose someone else. Decided to move to Colorado, took us a month and four trips back and forth to move, partly because of hitting a deer in mom's car. Got to Colorado and had a really hard time dealing with being unemployed, having lots of feelings of anger and resentment.

But, finally in November I got a job which I absolutely love!!!!

So, I guess you could say that the year is ending on a positive note with the job and all, however, the last two months have been so hard, being so far away from Alex. January 8, 2016 was the last time I saw him. It's really taking a toll on both of us. Thankfully we've been able to talk and text quite a bit, but it's still really hard.

The one thing that brings me down more than anything this year is my health. In February or March we learned that I have hypothyroidism (under active thyroid) and I had to start taking medicine for that. However, a hug side effect from my thyroid not working is that it has become nearly impossible for me to lose weight. And since I lost my insurance in June, I can't afford to take some of my medication. Also, with moving, I don't have a doctor, so it's hard to take my medicine consistently. As a result, I am now the heaviest I have ever been, my blood sugar is completely out of whack, and I generally feel terrible.

However! I believe I may have found a diet (read that lifestyle) that will get me sorted out, so starting January 1 I am going to try the Keto diet. I know, everyone can find something bad about every diet, but this is what I believe will be best for my body right now. I am insulin resistant which means that my body doesn't know what to do with the insulin it makes so it just makes more and more. I have PCOS which just screws a bunch of things up. I am seriously overweight which doesn't help anything. I have psoriasis. I have sleep apnea.

All of those things can be helped by eating a low carb diet. (Relax, I have done my research.) A ketogenic diet will increase insulin sensitivity, will jump start weight loss which will then help normalize my hormone levels. Losing weight will eventually mean that I won't need the CPAP anymore,  and since it is an anti-inflammatory diet, it may even help the psoriasis.

Yes, it's going to be hard, but I think I have finally found what my body needs.

So, farewell to all the yuck of 2016, and welcome to all the new adventures of 2017.

Here's hoping for:

  • Getting my body under control
  • Getting my fiancé here
  • Starting a family
  • Many new adventures
In closing, a tribute to George Michael, whom we lost just a few days ago

and another end of the year fave

May 2017 hold many blessings and much joy for you!

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Happy Christmakwanzakkuh

I've been talking a lot with Alex lately and we've been talking a lot about the past and the future. It has made me a bit nostalgic, on top of my normal bit of sadness at Christmas. This holiday season is particularly hard, because one year ago right now I was over there with him. If things had gone the way we planned we'd be celebrating our first anniversary now.

It's been tough being apart for the last year, but these past two or three months have been hell. I miss him so much that I feel I might explode. On top of missing Alex, this is our first Christmas in Colorado and I haven't seen most of my family for months, and have no idea when I will see them.

Christmas is on a Sunday this year. That used to be my absolute favorite day for Christmas. I didn't think there was anything better than going to Church on Christmas day. Obviously, things have changed and I no longer go to church, and there is still a lot of hurt there because of the circumstances that led to me leaving the church.

Even though I have a lot of hurt and sadness connected with Christmas, I still love Christmas and have a lot of hope for the future, that it will become magical again for me.

So, my heartfelt wishes for you for a blessed and joyful holiday and many blessings in the new year.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Kwanzaa!

Happy Hanukkah!


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