My mother says even when I was teeny tiny I did not want to wait. I like the exciting times, going places, meeting friends, but I have a hard time with the vast expanses of time in between the exciting times. It's hard for me to not view them as a waste of time. Really, that's sad, but it's how I feel.
It seems that I go for long spells of normal life, then have a period of excitement, only to follow that with an even longer period of blaaaah! You're thinking to yourself, that sounds like my life, everyone feels like that. I get that, but, no offense, I don't have to deal with your life, only mine. I realize that life is a mixture of ups and down, high and lows, and that a person could not constantly live on the highs in life, but I'd just like a better balance...a few more highs. Am I being selfish and unrealistic? Probably.
Anyone who knows me very well knows that I can get a little, well, um, obsessed. Unfortunately, there are more times than I care to remember when someone was nice back to me and I thought "YES! I've found someone who likes me and wants to be around me..." and, sadly, in these types of situations I have no self-control...nada...zilch...ZERO! I've probably annoyed several prospective friends away by texting them all the time, messaging on facebook, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...and for that I am truly sorry. I just get sooo excited. I overly invest myself and then wonder why no one reciprocates. (See, no patience.) I can't wait for people to get to know me and learn who I am and what I am like and come to the conclusion on their own time that they want to be my friend...no they need to decide now!
It's really quite annoying to myself that I get so frustrated by people not acting according to my time table and things not happening as fast as I would like. I don't like it any more than the people I annoy do. I think I've finally come to a place which I have been avoiding for a very long time. I'm pretty sure that God is determined to teach me patience. I'm sure it will make my life easier in a lot of ways, but I can't say that I want that lesson or look forward to it...at...all.
Well, I have an exercise in patience right now and I'm doing my darnedest to kick old habits! I recently met someone interesting whom I would very much like to get to know better and I'm trying, so hard, to wait on them, to let them guide things at their own pace. Maybe I'm a closet control freak 'cuz it ain't been easy, but I keep telling myself, it it's worth anything, it's worth waiting for, and if other people aren't interested, than it's not worth it. (Keep telling my self that...over...and...over...and...over...)
So, what do I need to do in order to get this waiting thing down?
- DEEP BREATHING!
- Enjoy the "unexciting" times in life.
- Get a life! (Keep busy.)
- Be ready to grasp any opportunity, no matter how small, to spice things up!
- BE POSITIVE!!!
Hopefully at some point in time not too far in the future, wait will no longer be a dirty word to me. Like a disobedient dog, I must now bow to my master and accept my task, which is, at this particular moment, wait.
Ok, but could I wait a little faster?
Romans 5:3-5New American Standard Bible (NASB)3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
New American Standard Bible (NASB)