Monday, October 2, 2017

What is My Problem?

I don't know what the fuck is up with me today.

Things started out okay, I was a little tired, but I pretty much always am. I got hired at a halloween store, which is a part time, very temporary job, but hey, it's extra money, and then met a friend for coffee.

We are both struggling with some stuff, mostly job-wise, and get together to talk things over and lend one another support. Then I got home and I'm just a morose lump of blubbering-ness.

I am so tired. Not the I haven't gotten enough sleep tired, but the deep in my soul kind of tired. As hard as I try, I just can't keep from ticking off all the can'ts in my life right now. Can't find a job. Can't be with the man I love. Can't go see the man I love. May never have a family. May never have a job I love (that I can live on). Will probably never make an impact on the world.

I just feel like I can't do anything right, right now.

I know that I am far from the only one struggling out there right now, but damnit! Couldn't just one part of my life go well?

It's a good thing that I have today off, cuz with the news of the shooting in Vegas, some disconcerting emails, etc., I am an emotional mess, really jumpy (which is totally unusual), and plainly unfit to be a part of society today.

Maybe I will just go curl up in bed on this cold, dark, rainy day.

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