Isn't it funny how our ideas, ideals, thoughts, dreams and plans evolve as we age?
Case in point:
When I was a teenager, desperate to belong to someone and to be loved, I had it all planned out. (I'm certain that most of us little girls do.) I would be married and starting a family by the time I was twenty-five. This person would be my entire world, we would be extremely happy, and of course, all my issues would be solved because someone could finally love me, even the way I was. (For those of you who don't know how I was, or thought I was, that was fat, ugly, worthless and unloveable.) I know, quite a feat for anyone, especially since I was doing my best to be absolutely certain that I was completely unlovable, although it took me till a few years ago to realize I was doing so. I mean, I didn't want to be incapable, like I couldn't do anything on my own, but I basically wanted someone to be my life.
Older and a little, very little, wiser my plans seemed to have shifted a slightly.
Recently, I was reading some articles and checking out websites having to do with the Avengers movie and its stars, and I came across an article about Jeremy Renner which talked about how he found dating to be difficult since he couldn't find a woman who wanted to be second chair to his career. My first reaction was, well duh!, but I began to think about it. At this point in my life, nearly thirty-one years old, still single, never dated, still screwed up in the head, what do I really want from a relationship? Forget my childish plans, what do I want now?
At this time, this moment, I want to have security, stability, companionship, respect, and of course love. I think I could be perfectly happy in a relationship where we each had our own projects, our own goals and things to do, but we acted as a mutual support to the other. I don't want one person to be my life. By this point, I've lived on my own long enough to have become independent and sort of set in my ways, so I want the freedom to be me, with the security of knowing that someone is there with me to enjoy life, love me, and be there when I really need them. As long as two people work on their relationship and can agree to the terms, I don't think I'd mind being second.
Yes, I can see it—husband off filming movies while I dig into my writing, welding and other hobbies. We enjoy time together in between, and of course communicate regularly when apart. Hmm, I rather think it could work!
So, Jeremy if you're reading this, I'd give it a shot...just give me a call!