Saturday, June 2, 2012

Second Place...I DO!

Isn't it funny how our ideas, ideals, thoughts, dreams and plans evolve as we age?

Case in point:

When I was a teenager, desperate to belong to someone and to be loved, I had it all planned out.  (I'm certain that most of us little girls do.)  I would be married and starting a family by the time I was twenty-five.  This person would be my entire world, we would be extremely happy, and of course, all my issues would be solved because someone could finally love me, even the way I was.  (For those of you who don't know how I was, or thought I was, that was fat, ugly, worthless and unloveable.)  I know, quite a feat for anyone, especially since I was doing my best to be absolutely certain that I was completely unlovable, although it took me till a few years ago to realize I was doing so.  I mean, I didn't want to be incapable, like I couldn't do anything on my own, but I basically wanted someone to be my life.

Older and a little, very little, wiser my plans seemed to have shifted a slightly.

Recently, I was reading some articles and checking out websites having to do with the Avengers movie and its stars, and I came across an article about Jeremy Renner which talked about how he found dating to be difficult since he couldn't find a woman who wanted to be second chair to his career.  My first reaction was, well duh!, but I began to think about it.  At this point in my life, nearly thirty-one years old, still single, never dated, still screwed up in the head, what do I really want from a relationship?  Forget my childish plans, what do I want now?

At this time, this moment, I want to have security, stability, companionship, respect, and of course love.  I think I could be perfectly happy in a relationship where we each had our own projects, our own goals and things to do, but we acted as a mutual support to the other.  I don't want one person to be my life.  By this point, I've lived on my own long enough to have become independent and sort of set in my ways, so I want the freedom to be me, with the security of knowing that someone is there with me to enjoy life, love me, and be there when I really need them.  As long as two people work on their relationship and can agree to the terms, I don't think I'd mind being second.

Yes, I can see it—husband off filming movies while I dig into my writing, welding and other hobbies.  We enjoy time together in between, and of course communicate regularly when apart.  Hmm, I rather think it could work!

So, Jeremy if you're reading this, I'd give it a shot...just give me a call!

1 comment:

  1. Will just made me go see "The Avengers" again last night... every time Jeremy came on, I thought of you :)

    The healthiest relationships are those were each person has their own separate lives and interests, but they share common goals and can function together as a team. I think you're on the right track!!!


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