Monday, July 7, 2014

Gettin' Serious

I've been thinking a lot about my weight.  While I'm very proud of the progress I have made, I always seem to get so far and then just stop.  Looking back, I told myself that I was not going into my thirties this unhealthy, and now here I am--33 and still fat and unhealthy.

I know I can lose weight, I dropped seventy plus pounds in Moscow, but I just never seem to do it. Someone recently, again, asked if I'd ever considered bariatric surgery and I said no, I hadn't.  I've never considered it because I know that it won't fix the problem, which is in my head.  Until I fix my relationship with food, there is no point in surgery because the same habits will be there.

I've been thinking it over, though.  I always felt that surgery, a drastic option, was cheating somehow and that I should be able to do it on my own.  I also didn't want to have my bowels completely rearranged and my stomach made so small that I would have to constantly be eating (isn't that my problem to begin with??) Then, the other night I was sitting there thinking that I can't keep dragging this on.  I have relatively few health issues now, but as I get further into my thirties, things are going to start going down hill.

I also wonder if I'm against having the surgery because then I would have no choice.  I think somewhere deep inside I'm still telling myself I don't deserve to be healthy, and I'm scared because if I'm rejected after I've lost all the weight then I can't blame it on the weight.

It comes down to this, I need to get the weight off. Period.  So, I'm giving myself until the end of the year, and if I don't make significant progress, as in at least thirty pounds, then it will be time to look at surgery.  I have to look at the long term.  Before I know it I will be 39 saying that I can't go into my forties like this.

Ok, so today I redoubled my efforts.  In order to get a little jump start, and to prove to my mother that she can survive on her points, I am fixing breakfasts, lunches and dinner for both of us and I will be eating her number of points, almost half of my points.

Ok, I can do this.  I am worth this.  I deserve this.



2 comments:

  1. You can do it, Katie! If you ever want a walking buddy, let me know! Or I would love to have you join me for Zumba...

    ReplyDelete

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