Saturday, May 14, 2016

It's Raining Answers

For a lot of my life, OK, let's not lie, most of my life, I have felt like I never got any answers. This was one of my biggest struggles with my relationship with God. I prayed and prayed and prayed and did all the things I was supposed to (and did not do the things I was not supposed to), but my life had no direction, no purpose. The things that I wanted the most, there was no sign of them every coming. My life has been rough in a lot of ways, but there was never any sign of which direction I should go, if I was doing the right thing. Finally, I just started living and forging my own path.

I had been doing pretty well the last couple years. I was seeing a counselor and working on me, I was forming solid friendships, I was plowing through school and work, and I was fairly happy with where my life was at. I finally found my someone and we decided to get was seeming OK.

Then I was told I was being laid off.

At first I told myself it's a good thing, which it is, but my heart is having a harder time reconciling with it than my head. On top of that communication with Alex has been, well, not great. He's been having a rough time and has been drinking a fair bit again, and I was just beginning to wonder if maybe it was time to give up on this dream.

But ever since that day when I got the news, at every turn I keep getting showered with signs.

My work BFF got a new job and a lot of my favorite peeps were leaving or retiring so there were no longer so many things to keep me there. Later that day I find out my counselor is leaving. No staying because of her. Pretty much every tie to here was broken!

So, I've been feeling down about things with Alex, especially since he was really drunk when I called last weekend, but I called today. We talked and he told me about this last bout of drinking. He said that he knew that he just can't start drinking, and he just kept hoping that he could quit on his own, but he now realized that he can't.

Then he told me that as soon as his mouth is healed (something happened during the drinking binge, I didn't understand what, but his mouth hurts) he is going to go to a treatment center in the capital city.

He's going for treatment.

He's going for treatment!!!!

Wham! Answer.

I can tell you that I am so excited!!! To think that since March 2015 we have gone from him putting some of the blame on me, to him admitting that he is an alcoholic and that he can't stop if he starts, to it is his fault and his alone, and now to recognizing he needs help.

For the first time in my life I feel like someone is fighting for me, fighting for us.

I feel so much more hopeful, and I feel that, even though I don't know where this path is headed, it is going in the right direction.

I guess I just had to wait twenty years for answers.

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