Friday, March 10, 2017

The TV Made Me Cry

How lame is that?

I'm catching up on a fave show today while mom is out, and BLAM! I was blindsided by the death of one of the characters.

I mean, the gal had been through a lot, they finally get married and a few months later...plop...the guy drops dead.

I mean what. the. fuck.

It may seems stupid, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess it made me think about my current situation. I love Alex sooo much, but let's be honest--things have been rough--especially on me. My first trip and his drinking, my last trip and his drinking, subsequent drinking binges since then, never knowing if he is going to get mixed up with the wrong people and have the crap beaten out of him...

I guess the scariest thing for me when he goes on a bender is that I can't get ahold of him for days at a time, and I'm quite certain that one of these days I'm going to call and his mother is going to answer and tell me he's dead.

I think that's why the show hit me so hard. Thinking about the fact that we finally managed to get together, and my luck, after waiting 18 years, something bad will happen and he'll die. I just can't wait to have him here where I can keep an eye on him...know that he's okay.

I try not to think about the fact that we were finally ready to start the visa application a year ago when I found out I was losing my job. That really gets my anger juices going.

Well, at least the day ended well! Mom and I got to see a Ukrainian group DakhaBrakha and man, were they awesome!

Karpatsky rap

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