Sunday, October 22, 2017

Enough

It seems to me that everyone has a theme in their life. For me, the word enough is it.

People often ask me about my tattoo that says enough. Why enough? Have you had enough?  No, I got this tattoo to remind me that I am enough.

My whole life I have felt that I was not enough. I was not smart enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, couldn't sing well enough, I was a good friend, but not good enough for anyone to make much of an effort for... And later in life, as an employee, I always gave my all, worked super hard, provided superior customer service, and my employer always loved me and the job I did--I was good, but not good enough for them to help me out, or to fight for me.

I had gotten to a really good place, but this last year and a half have been so hard that I have started feeling all these overwhelming feelings again of not being enough.

I've been rather depressed recently, and I found myself returning to old habits. I wasn't necessarily eating things I shouldn't be, but I was mindlessly, emotionally eating. Then I did eat stuff I shouldn't have and felt like absolute shit.  But, yesterday and today I fasted, only drinking some homemade beef broth and I am feeling much better.

So, hopefully, I have the eating back under control, now I just need to figure out the emotional stuff. I have to keep telling myself that  I am enough, that things are just tough out there, and that eventually (God only knows when...), things will work out.

I hope.




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