What the what?!?!

This is May, correct??

Or Not...

Ok, so maybe I'm not such am idiot.

I took my German translation exam and was done with the translation and essay 45 minutes early!! I went back over them and tweaked a little and then turned them in 30 minutes early. It was a cinch!

On top of that, the weather is nice, I'm sitting out on the porch, I'm feeling in control of at least part of my life, the semester is done in two weeks, I love my job again...

But the biggest joy is that at the end of 12 weeks I am down 27 pounds!!!

Yesterday I was zipping up and down the stairs, running all around and planting flowers. Aaah! The good life!

Fruits of my labor.

Dummkopf

I am an idiot.

I am applying for a dual M.A. program in Library and Information Science and German Translation. What's wrong with that?? I haven't used German in about 10 years.

Tomorrow is the qualifying exam--2 hours to translate a German text into English, type it in Word and write a 300-500 word essay.

I am an idiot.

Cloud Fifty-Two

I know, I know.  Normally one says that they are on cloud 9, although historically many different numbers have been used in the cloud metaphor.

So why 52?

The past nine days have brought a lot of great stuff, one of the biggest and bestest happened last saturday.  I had been looking forward to April 13 for months!!  My mom, my friend Meghan and I hopped into my car, drove down to Des Moines to take my car in to Hummel's Nissan for an oil change by the best service department ever.  (We also took them a box of goodies--homemade cookies and miniature candy bars.  We often take them treats because they are soo awesome!)  After quick service, we stopped in to Hobby Lobby for a few minutes and then went to try a new restaurant.  We decided to try Bianchi Brothers in Altoona and it was a little disappointing.  The pizza mom and I shared was not great and neither of us felt well afterwards.  Meghan's lasagna was good, though.  Then we hit I-80 and sped on over to Grinnell College where that evening there was a concert of Zolotoj Plyos!

We arrived a little early because the Russian students were hosting a Slavic Coffee House with food to raise money for the Russian House, and as we pulled up just before six, we saw them, unloading their van.  I pulled up and stopped and we hollered hi out of the window.  They saw Meghan first and seemed a little confused, but then they saw mom and me.  I got out and they descended upon me with hugs.  It was awful! ;)

After a wonderful concert (the first time mom had ever seen them perform) we went to a local restaurant and had dinner.  Meghan and Sasha talked and talked about saxophones and music, mom and Lena talked on and off, pictures of family members came out, and we all had a great time.  Mom got an extreme compliment--none of them could believe that she was 60.  I also received a huge compliment.  Lena said she wished that they could go on tour with twenty or so of their best students and she said that I was one of their best students, and she wants me to come to Middlebury and work.

It was a wonderful night and the rest of the night and into part of Sunday (until my mother made me cry) I was on a high!  I was soaring on the wings of bliss.

Sunday night I had some time and wrote about 1500 words in my book. YAY!  Monday morning* things took a nosedive and I became violently ill at work.  I was home sick for two days, felt like death warmed over on Wednesday, but, although tired, felt much better on Thursday which is the day we had our Diversity Fair at work.  The fair went very well and the committee members were all very pleased at the fruit of our labor!

To end on a great note, for my weigh-in this week I officially reached 20 pounds lost (21.6 to be exact) and also met my 5% goal!  Woohoo!

I keep thinking to myself, what was all the fuss about?  This isn't that hard, but I know that if you are not ready, not willing, it is the hardest thing in the world.  I guess my body finally said it's time.  And Weight Watchers is awesome!

Have an orientation for YFU today-- *stressed*-- but tomorrow I am off work so that I can prepare for a qualifying exam on Thursday for which I will have to translate a German text and write and essay.  Yikes!  I haven't used German in... well it's been a long time.

Let's hope this week doesn't look horrid after the awesomeness of last week.

Zolotoj Plyos and friends: Sasha, Lena, two profs form Grinnell, Seryozha,  and me.

* I thought about L-Diggitty all day on her first day back at work as I purged every bit of food from my system.  Sweet, right?

Oh, and my car turned 30,000 miles!!!

Goal!!!

Well, today ends week 8 of my Weight Watchers journey and so far, things have gone really well.  Spring break was a little challenging, but I really did pretty well.  I was at least trying and not just throwing caution to the wind; yes I could have done better.

For the most part, I have been making much better food choices, although sometimes I still give in a little to the nibbles.  The first five weeks, I never went over the daily point total once, and never used the extra weekly points they give you.  During spring break, well, I used some.  Ok, so when we were at the Mega Mall I ate out for every meal, but instead of getting a two entree meal at Panda Express, I got a bowl which was rice, way too much, and one entree, Orange Chicken, the only entree for me, and I at the Orange Chicken, a little bit of rice and threw the rest away!

For me, that is a really big thing!!!!

Mom has not really been tracking her food, but she has been much more supportive and neither of us have been bringing crap home and tempting the other.  She needs to crack down and start tracking, but we are making progress, and I am satisfied with that.

I don't mean satisfied in the way that I am done, it's all good... I mean that I am not berating myself for not doing things better or differently.  Slow progress is the kind that will stick, and thoughtful eating habits are the kind I need to develop.

So, today being weight day for week 8, I met my first goal, exactly: down 17.8 pounds.  I set a new 10% goal, trying to set smaller, reasonable goals, which is another 22 pounds.

I still have a very long journey ahead of me, but I am trying to focus on today.  If I think ahead too much then I have one of two reactions: scared because it is such unknown territory, or "it'll never happen, I always fail."  This is why I focus on today, and take it one day at a time.

Week 8, 18 lbs. down.

Spring Break

Well, this hasn't been the spring break of my dreams, but it hasn't been awful. I took my YFU students to Minneapolis and of course it was cold and blizzard like when we had to drive home. But we shopped at the Mall of America and went out to dinner, and it was a good trip, overall.

I had hoped to work on my book a LOT, and that didn't happen, but I did reread it and get back into it, and boy did that feel great! So...not all has been lost. :)

And to end the week on a big positive, one of my bestest girlies is coming for a visit today! Yay! And she's bringing her two month old! Yay!!

Yeah, life is good!

St. Paddy's Day Parade

Everyone asleep in the van.

Some of my booty--a fascinator, and...

a Claddagh ring.

New Leaf

Between working with a counselor and hanging out with some cool new gal pals, I've slowly been working through some stuff.  I think it's been especially good hanging out with my girl M.  We seem to have a lot of similar issues and give one another the exact same advice. Ha!

The last time I talked with my counselor she asked me what was stopping me from just doing what I needed to do.  I had to think a little.  She suggested that I was hiding, that I had buried myself in fat and stuff (which brought great imagery into my head!).

I think it's true, though.  The root of all my problems is that I see myself as worthless.  (You can shake your head all you want, but being made fun of for 12 years at school and ignored by your family leaves scars.)  And because I see myself as worthless, I bury myself to protect myself.  (I think I've said this before...)  I tell myself that I am afraid that people won't like me, but I am really afraid that people will like me.  What do I have to lose? What if I lose weight and there is nothing "wrong" with me and people don't like me?  That would mean that they just don't like me!  At present I have an excellent excuse: they didn't like me--I'm fat; I can't travel--I'm fat; I didn't do as well as I'd like--I'm fat; my car didn't start... well you get the picture.

If I lose my protective exterior I'll be vulnerable and exposed--like a nerve..

I am, however, at a fork in the road.  Either I take the same path I've been on and face serious health issues as I age, unhappiness, all unnecessary, or I take a new path--one towards happiness and healthiness  not thinness.  It doesn't matter if I want to anymore, I have to.

So, one week ago today, in a bold and definitive move, I joined Weight Watchers online (and made my mother as well).  After getting right back up to my highest weight and starting to feel that I'm not so young anymore, I made the decision.  I am not going to try, I am going to do.  I can do it, if I choose to.

I have found Weight Watchers very easy to use, and I like that I can either eat their food or make something of my own.  I also like that I don't feel deprived and I can eat anything, in moderation.  One week down and I've already lost about seven pounds.  I realize it is mostly water weight, but seven pounds is seven pounds!

I think I can, I think I can... I KNOW I can!

Week 1