Couldn't Get Any Worse...

A couple years ago I posted about how terrible our move went. I thought to myself, there is no way that any future move could ever be as terrible as this.

Man, was I wrong!

Things have been a lot harder than I expected since being laid off. I really thought that the stars were aligning, that I had found the perfect job and everything was in order. So, I didn't get that job, and this move has turned into a nightmare.

As I admitted last time, we are pretty much hoarders. We got rid of a lot last time, but we had a lot more to get rid of. We had a couple sales and got rid of some bigger furniture items, we donated several car loads of cookbooks (mom has a slight obsession...) and several loads of other things to Goodwill, but we didn't get rid of near enough.

And, we spent too much time goofing off, so when we had the truck, we weren't ready. We had some great family members who came and helped us load the truck and keep boxing stuff up, but in the end, we had to leave stuff.

A week later we drove back to finish.

Again, things did not go so well.

We ended up staying a day later than we planned, and we decided to stay in a hotel in a nearby town. The second night as we were leaving to go back to the hotel, we ran smack dab into a deer.

I mean what?!?!?!?

The thing was pretty much just standing in the middle of the highway. We managed to drive the rest of the way to the hotel, though we probably shouldn't have. The next morning, instead of getting a really early start, we spent half the day calling insurance and getting the car to the body shop. So, we are going to have to make another trip back.

Will it ever end?!?!?!?!?

I just almost can't face another drive back.

I'm not going to talk about how this is the worst move ever...maybe then the next one won't be so bad.

On top of all the drama, the semester is starting soon and I am really missing all the people I used to work with, and seeing all the emails and photos from my former co-workers makes me feel kind of blue.

Here's hoping that when we get everything wrapped up in the old house and don't have to drive back any more, I won't feel as blue.

Poor, poor car.

Big Changes Coming Soon

Ehrmergerd, Ehrmergerd, Ehrmergerd, Ehrmergerd!!!!

For quite a long time I have been wanting to leave the town where I grew up, and really my home state all together, but it just never happened. And now that I am actually going, finally leaving it all behind, I'm kinda scared.

It's strange to think that one week from today we will be driving across the country to our new home. One week from now we will be IN our new home.

This new phase is exciting, scary, and seems just plain wild.

Hang on self! We're in for a wild ride.




P.S. I'm really tired of packing...

Yard Sale

I'm sitting out on the porch on a beautiful afternoon while our second yard sale is winding down. I really hate moving. I don't mind the new place to live, but the cleaning and the packing, the loading and unloading... GAG!

Mom and I, after the awful previous move, are trying very hard to THROW THROW THROW! We have donated a fair amount, have sold a fair amount, and thrown away a fair amount. The house is an absolute nightmare right now, but we can tell that stuff is missing.

I started freaking out a little because I got my last paycheck yesterday. I figured I'd have a job lined up by now. Now, not only am I unemployed, I'm going to be living in a much more expensive city and non of my friends will be close.

Don't get me wrong, I do thing this move is a good thing for me, but that doesn't make it easy.

At least I have beautiful weather and delicious Iowa sweet corn to help me contemplate the future.

Enjoying My Last Few Days

Well, here I am on day two of my last week of employment, sitting at home, enjoying my vacation. Last Friday I had a lovely farewell reception and was touched by all those who came to wish me well. I got lots of hugs, cards and well wishes. It was really nice, since I had been having dreams that no one would come.

I don't think it has really sunk in yet that I will be unemployed in two days. I'm in this state of flux and it is scary and exciting all at once.

I'm hopeful that I will hear something about a job soon, but in the meantime I will just keep working to organize and downsize so that I am ready for whatever is next.

via GIPHY

Letters From The Past?

A couple of years ago a friend told me about this site where you could write yourself an email and set a future date for it to be delivered. Apparently I tried it, because today I received this:

Dear Future Katie, 

Here it is, you're 35th birthday! I seriously hope that you have gotten some things worked out and that you are not the same sad, pathetic mess. 

Ok, seriously, I hope that you have been able to sort some things out. I hope that you are able to get over your self loathing and actually see yourself for who you really are. You are great! You are smart, I daresay even intelligent, caring, compassionate, funny, strong, and yes, you are attractive. I'm counting on you to have made the hard choices and lost weight and become a happier person. 

Hopefully, you have finished your MLIS/MALLT degrees. I hope you finished your story and that it was or is being published. Have you met Jeremy Renner yet?
You went through some pretty tough shit in 2012, I hope that 2013 was a year of changes for you. My wish for you is that you have grown more confident, become more organized and have found a few things which you really love to do and can do well. I also hope that you have found someone to love you and cherish you... someone worthy of you. 

Chin up! You can tackle anything! 

Keep being awesome!

This letter made me laugh, but it also gave me warm fuzzies. I was like "wow, I really think a lot of myself." And it also made me sad that I still have not "made the hard choices and lost weight" though at this time last year I was a good 50 pounds lighter.

So, today I wrote a letter to my forty year old self.

See you in the future, self!

Happy (Grand) Father's Day!

I am often saddened by the fact that I've never really had a grandfather. Oh, I have one living, but I don't think he's ever given two shakes about me. There was only ever one grandchild that he was interested in. My dad's dad--Robert--from what I hear, he would have been a great grandpa.

Unfortunately, I never knew him. OK, I knew him, but only as well as a toddler can know someone. He died when I was just short of turning three. My brother is three years older, and probably remembers more than I do, though we never talk about it.

I do have two memories of him. One is actually of his funeral--I didn't know what was going on and as we walked out behind the casket, I just kept following until my dad grabbed me. The other memory is really about him.

He retired from the factory and a few months later was diagnosed with cancer. I think it started as lung cancer and by the time they caught it it had spread everywhere, so by the time I could remember him, he was already very sick.

I remember the dining room at my grandparent's house plain as day. There was the dining room table in the middle (it was one of those 1940-50s models with the tubular metal legs and plastic seats, and fake plastic wood table) and two green chairs against the wall. There was a china hutch along the side wall. I remember that day that grandpa was sitting in the corner of the dining room in the 1970s green chair with a blanket over his lap. I probably knew the something was wrong, but I was incapable of understanding what.

My brother and I were crawling around on the floor in a circle around the table and every time we got to him, we would stop for him to pet us, because we were pretending to be little dogs. I remember him petting us on the head and saying "good dogs."

That's it.

That's all I have of my grandpa.

Sometimes I feel gypped. I feel cheated--why didn't I get to have a grandpa who would actually love me? That's life. There are way more whys than not.

Even so, I'm glad that I have my one lonely memory. And I'm glad he loved me while he could.

Lonely Memory

In your chair in the corner of the dining room
you sat,
a blanket on your lap.
I didn’t know what was wrong,
but I knew you were sick.
Your skin was so pale;
you sat very still.
Cancer.
Your eyes were dark and sunken,
still they watched me go ‘round
and ‘round;
your little dog.
Innocent child, on my hands and knees,
I stopped at your feet
each time I passed.
You patted my head,
“Good dog,” you said,
and I’d start all over again,
over and over again.
Metal table legs, dull brown carpet, and the legs of my family
were all I could see.

Grandfather and granddaughter—savor…
Once more around, for my treat.

It's Done! Well, Almost...

Well, I graduated!!!!

Except I didn't.

So, long story very short, I didn't get feedback on my translations until about 2 days before I needed to turn them in. So, I didn't have the time to fine-tune and correct my translations let alone to finish writing the 20 page report about my internship. After talking with my advisor, we filed for an exception that would allow for my final grades to be turned in 2 weeks late.

Normally you have to be enrolled in at least one credit the semester you graduate, so if I deferred graduation to August, I would have to pay like $600 to enroll in a credit even though all my work is already turned in.

We went ahead as if they had accepted my request, but I got word this past Wednesday that they denied my request. But, they did tell me that I wouldn't have to pay for any credits.

So, I have a chance to redo a paper by Monday, and then I will officially have everything turned in and be done with my degree requirements.

So, I may not officially graduate until August, but so what. I will finally be done!

Hallelujah!

Praise Jeebus!